Grandparents

On February 20th, just 1 week after her 95th birthday, Dave's grandma passed away.  She caught the flu a few weeks ago and her body wasn't quite able to recover.  She was in congestive heart failure and her kidneys had discontinued working.  (crazy to think that Andrew has been through both of those already - his kidneys not to that extent but close!)  Dave and I attended her funeral this past Wednesday.  It was very nicely done and I learned a lot I didn't know from the stories her sons told.  For one, her and her husband experienced 3 fires during the early years of their marriage!  Crazy!  However, I would have much rather have heard those stories from her.  My sweetest memory was that at least 3 times a year we would receive a hand written letter from her telling us about how she was doing.  That's a lot of writing when you have 22 grand children and 33 great grandchildren!  Although I did not know her well she will be missed.  She was the sweetest lady.

Dave's grandma's passing made me realize that this day will come sometime for my grandparents.  They are still young at 73 and 68 years old.  I dread those days that I have to say goodbye.  My grandparents are a huge part of my life.  

Grandpa spoiled me with his love (and an occasional gift!).  I've never met my dad so my grandpa has also been that father figure to me.  He would do anything for me. When I was commuting during my last year of college, grandpa bought me a brand new car so I wouldn't have to worry about breaking down on the way there or back.  He has bailed me out numerous times when I've locked my keys in my car or needed a ride someplace.  He came to all of my soccer games and I'm pretty sure was my biggest fan.  We've ridden miles on our bikes together and eaten a few too many ice cream cones.

Grandma spoiled me with gifts and toys beyond my wildest dreams.  When I was pregnant with Eric, my grandma made the decision to retire from her job so that she could provide daycare for us free of charge.  She loves Eric and now Andrew even more then me I'm sure!  They make her days and weeks and she even gets upset when she doesn't get to see them!  It is a blessing to be able to drop your children off with someone and not have to worry about them one bit.

This is just a short ode to grandma and grandpa and these words do not do justice of how great they are.  I'm so thankful for them.  I love these old timers so much and I dread the day when I will have to say goodbye.

Changes

Another emotional day in our house.  Well for me anyway!  Tonight around 11:45, Andrew will be consuming his last bottle of breastmilk.  We made it 4.5 months past the 6 months I pumped for.  I am so proud of this and it seems like such a huge accomplishment for me!  Sure we had to buy an extra deep freeze for storage, expensive bags to freeze in, washed countless bottles  but it was soooooo worth it!  I can't believe that tomorrow he will be a formula fed baby.  I feel joyed he made it this long but am sad it has come to an end.  I have also made a big decision to stop tracking his milk intake.  Ever since we brought him home we have been tracking in a binder.  Time to put the binder away.  I'm sick of it!

BEFORE - September 2010

Freezer #1 - FULL (except for a box of pancakes and 2 pizzas)  I'm pretty sure there were like 300 of those little (annoying) bottles!

Freezer #2 - FULL

AFTER - February 2011 - 4.5 months later!

The last bag :o(

Added for your viewing pleasure.  :o)

Where Did I Go Wrong

I've written before about Andrew's preference of Dave over me.  I had kind of accepted it but my emotions are rising again.  A few nights ago, Andrew just about threw himself out of my arms to go to Dave.  It hurt but I brushed it off.  I just know that he really likes his daddy.

This afternoon was AWFUL.  He's having a rough time with constipation so I ran bath water hoping that would help (it did).  He wanted nothing to do with the bath.  I got him out and he still wouldn't stop crying.  I went through everything I could think of and he was still screaming.  At one point Dave says to Eric, "I'm going to rescue your brother.  I'm sick of listening to this."  He picks Andrew up and almost instantly he stops.  He's been happy ever since.

What did I ever do?  A mother's bond is supposed to be strong with their child.  Mine couldn't care less if I was around.  I carried him for 9 months, I was at his bedside everyday in the hospital (Dave wasn't!!), I pumped for 6 months to give him the best, I have loved him with all my heart and then some.  Where did I go wrong?  WHAT DID I DO?!

I wish there were some easy answer.  This hurt is rough.

Feeling Good

I've always thought our efforts weren't enough when it came to feeding Andrew and making sure he was getting what he needed.  I don't know what else we could do but I still felt like I wasn't doing enough.  His weight gain has been minimal pretty much all along.  Everytime we went to the doctor she said we were doing a good job but deep down I didn't believe it.  I was missing something and depriving him.

I have been especially worried lately because his milk intake has dropped A LOT.  He is eating solids and table foods but it doesn't seem like that much.  It's difficult for me to understand because I've been used to having a goal in ml to hit.  I don't even want to have to track food, I already drive myself crazy tracking milk intake! 

I was soooo nervous going to his synagis appointment today.  I knew he would be weighed and I was worried it was going to be very little or even a loss.  Boy was I shocked when it read 7.25kg - I nearly pushed the nurse out of the way to see what the lbs and oz were!  I almost fell over when it said 16 lbs exactly!!!!  About 2.5 weeks ago he was 15lbs 9oz so this is a pretty big gain for him in the small amount of time!  I honestly thought he wouldn't hit 16 until he was a year old.

So I have been giddy all afternoon and evening.  He's doing good!!  And I am getting closer to believing that we are doing a good job.  Something must be working!  I think this kid just hates bottles and wants to feed himself.  Now I just hope this wasn't just a growth spurt and he keeps it up...