I feel cheated...

Up until a couple of months ago I was very down in the dumps.  I felt like I didn't share the close bond with Andrew that I wanted to have.  I don't know if this is because we were unable to breastfeed, if because I hardly ever bottle fed him (since I was always pumping) or if I missed out on having the normal newborn experience at home with my new baby.  I tried to push the feelings away but they kept popping up so I worked on it.  I made myself available for feedings and spent as much time as possible cuddling him, laughing with him, and playing with him.

I thought things have been going good since the "improvements" in our relationship until tonight.  He's been very fussy lately.  It could be his teeth, his eye, or I think he might maybe have reflux.  The one person that should be able to calm and comfort him, can't.  I could tell he was so tired and would really to just settle in and sleep.  It just seems like he isn't comfortable with me.  I tried several positions and he just kept fighting me and fussing.  My feelings were crushed so I handed him over to Dave and he settled right down, laid on Dave's chest and fell asleep.  Really?  It's supposed to me.  I feel so cheated.  Will I ever be as close to my son as I really want to be...

Spreading Awareness

It's been a week since my last post so I have to get another one done!

Each month at work an employee is recognized on our bulletin board just inside our front door.  My month was July and I was more then excited to post all about CHD.  No customers have come to me and asked about it but I did notice one woman stop today and look at it.  If I only reached one person that is ok, at least one more person is aware!  I have had compliments from co-workers.  It's now August 27th and my board is still up since the next person has gotten their stuff up.  So two months of getting awareness out there, heck maybe we'll get luck and get three months!

Work Bulletin Board

When we first found out we were going to have a baby with a heart defect we told as few people as possible.  I didn't want anybody to know.  Today, I'm more then happy to share with anybody that will listen.

Introducing...Eric!

Eric

This is Eric.  We welcomed him into our lives 3 years ago this last May.  He loves Calliou, construction equipment (especially rollers), juice, riding his bike, laughing, his baby brother, and picking on the dog.  He is a very sweet boy but can be a handful at the same time!!

Introducing...My hubby :o)

This is my husband Dave.

My mom introduced us back in April of 2001. We started dating in May of 2001 and got engaged 12/31/03. We were married 4/30/05 in a wonderful ceremony. It was one of the greatest days of my life. Dave's a great husband and a great dad. He's also an electrician, a hunter, and a fisherman. And he just happens to be great at all of those things too. Lots of love for this man and couldn't imagine life without him.

New Goal!

My new goal is start blogging once a week. I think blogging will be good for me. Before Andrew, I would have probably laughed at the idea of blogging. With a CHD child, life changes. Stress and fear are huge. We're only 4.5 months into this so I'm hoping it gets better. Today I read another mom's blog and how it is helping her to get things out. I need that. I enjoy updating Andrew's caringbridge page so I'm sure I will enjoy this. Now just to get it done!

I'm terrible at sticking with things. BUT before getting pregnant with Andrew I stuck with a diet for 4 months and lost 28 pounds AND I have now been pumping for over 4.5 months. I'm sure I can stick with blogging!