I feel cheated...

Up until a couple of months ago I was very down in the dumps.  I felt like I didn't share the close bond with Andrew that I wanted to have.  I don't know if this is because we were unable to breastfeed, if because I hardly ever bottle fed him (since I was always pumping) or if I missed out on having the normal newborn experience at home with my new baby.  I tried to push the feelings away but they kept popping up so I worked on it.  I made myself available for feedings and spent as much time as possible cuddling him, laughing with him, and playing with him.

I thought things have been going good since the "improvements" in our relationship until tonight.  He's been very fussy lately.  It could be his teeth, his eye, or I think he might maybe have reflux.  The one person that should be able to calm and comfort him, can't.  I could tell he was so tired and would really to just settle in and sleep.  It just seems like he isn't comfortable with me.  I tried several positions and he just kept fighting me and fussing.  My feelings were crushed so I handed him over to Dave and he settled right down, laid on Dave's chest and fell asleep.  Really?  It's supposed to me.  I feel so cheated.  Will I ever be as close to my son as I really want to be...