I feel so ganged up on today. First my grandma and the one person that should comfort me (my husband) is now ganging up on me. Eric got a big old bump on his head tonight and did not want me to help him. Andrew was fussy all night with me but fine for Dave. I feel so alone. I can feel the stress tonight (I don't think I'm all that relaxed with the feeding issues as previously posted), my neck hurts so bad, and all I want to do is cry.
I'd really like to just curl up in bed and stay there all night and day.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Appointments
When Eric was 6 months old I asked my employer if I could have Wednesday afternoons off to spend time with him. I have always enjoyed this time with him and now with Andrew too. I am even more thankful for this time now. I try to schedule Andrew's appointments on these days so I don't miss work. I think it would have been difficult to have to ask for time off all the time.
With that being said, Andrew has 2 appointments tomorrow. We're meeting with a dietician to see what she has to say about his slow weight gain. (Although with a little research online I don't think his gaining is that slow - I think he's just behind from surgery and the long stay in the NICU working on feeding) Then we have our 2 week follow-up with urology. I can't believe it's been 2 weeks already! I really don't know where time goes.
I also had a message tonight from our family medicine nurse. I'm assuming it is word about the email consult to the GI docs. I'm anxious to see what they will say. He's balking at his cereal feedings now and showing reflux symptoms during that too. Ugh. I've become more relaxed with it all and I think I'm just used to the poor feedings. A new trick I learned is to sing "Old McDonald Had a Farm" softly to him while he is feeding. He seems to take twice as much that way! I wouldn't be surprised if his first word is Moo!
With that being said, Andrew has 2 appointments tomorrow. We're meeting with a dietician to see what she has to say about his slow weight gain. (Although with a little research online I don't think his gaining is that slow - I think he's just behind from surgery and the long stay in the NICU working on feeding) Then we have our 2 week follow-up with urology. I can't believe it's been 2 weeks already! I really don't know where time goes.
I also had a message tonight from our family medicine nurse. I'm assuming it is word about the email consult to the GI docs. I'm anxious to see what they will say. He's balking at his cereal feedings now and showing reflux symptoms during that too. Ugh. I've become more relaxed with it all and I think I'm just used to the poor feedings. A new trick I learned is to sing "Old McDonald Had a Farm" softly to him while he is feeding. He seems to take twice as much that way! I wouldn't be surprised if his first word is Moo!
Friday the 22nd marked his 7 month birthday.
 |
| Boo! |
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Our family med doctor does care!
I got a call tonight from our family medicine doctor. She heard from the scheduling desk that we couldn't get into Pediatric GI until the beginning of the year and wanted to get in contact with me. She is going to put through an e-consult which I guess is basically an email to one of the pediatric GI docs to see what they think. She said they could want to see him or they might order tests. If the tests show anything it might get us in faster. Woohoo! Sounds like a step in the right direction. In the mean time she said to start feeding him more cereal which might help with the reflux and gaining weight.
For the last 5 months we've had the same routine at home. I measure all the milk he drinks and I have a huge book of all the info. Now I have to change and add cereal?! How am I going to keep track of what he is taking? The NICU turned me into a milk tracking fool! The fear of not knowing what is going on is going to drive me nuts. I'm going to have to figure something out.
Another change is happening too. We just finished our last frozen NICU bottles of milk. They were so easy to thaw and fortify. Now we're onto bags. It's no big deal really but I feel like I don't know what I'm doing! I wish we didn't have to fortify! It would make it soooo much easier. AND I'm terrified that the bags are going to leak!! All that hard work better be protected in that thin plastic!
Weight check tomorrow...hoping for a gain!
For the last 5 months we've had the same routine at home. I measure all the milk he drinks and I have a huge book of all the info. Now I have to change and add cereal?! How am I going to keep track of what he is taking? The NICU turned me into a milk tracking fool! The fear of not knowing what is going on is going to drive me nuts. I'm going to have to figure something out.
Another change is happening too. We just finished our last frozen NICU bottles of milk. They were so easy to thaw and fortify. Now we're onto bags. It's no big deal really but I feel like I don't know what I'm doing! I wish we didn't have to fortify! It would make it soooo much easier. AND I'm terrified that the bags are going to leak!! All that hard work better be protected in that thin plastic!
Weight check tomorrow...hoping for a gain!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Oh the Joys of a LARGE hospital
Andrew is still having a difficult time eating. The zantac that we got a prescription for made him sick so I stopped that after about 6 days. Over the past 3 weeks, his daily average has dropped to 17.7oz, a loss of 5.6oz a day. The low point of his goal is 25 oz/day so he's a ways off!
I called last week and left a message for the pediatrician. Gave the nurse my facts and I told her I wanted him seen or a new medicine prescribed or something!! Didn't hear anything last week. (I think the doc was on vacation) I called back today and within 30 minutes had the response of "the doc doesn't wanted to prescribe anything else but would like to refer you to a pediatric gastroenterologist." Ok fine, they transferred me to the appointment desk and they can't get Andrew in until the beginning of the year!!!!! WHAT?! They can't put us on a waiting list either because of the large number of patients waiting. So their advice was to call in everyday to see if there are any cancellations. So what am I supposed to do in the mean time as my child's throat is becoming more and more raw everyday?! I'm so frustrated! I did get a weight check scheduled for Wednesday so we'll see how that goes.
On another note, I got an email this morning that made me chuckle. It was from whattoexpect.com titled "Getting a Handle on Worrying". It said, "Feeling consumed with thoughts that your baby isn't sleeping enough, or sleeping too much, or not getting enough to eat, crying too much or not doing what your best friend's sister's baby did at the same age? Is there anything you're not worried about these days?" I wish these were my only worries. I have a lot of worry. Everytime I schedule an appointment, I worry. I have small anxiety attacks when appointments get close. (it was so scary the first few times my chest got tight and I couldn't breathe!) Every cough, every choke, everytime I put him in his bed at night worries me. Andrew is doing so good but there are too many what ifs. I've read about too many innocent children that were fine one day and on life support the next. I worry everyday about everything. I worry even more about my relationship with Eric. I worry about finances. I worry about my relationship with my husband.
Why can't life just be easy?
I called last week and left a message for the pediatrician. Gave the nurse my facts and I told her I wanted him seen or a new medicine prescribed or something!! Didn't hear anything last week. (I think the doc was on vacation) I called back today and within 30 minutes had the response of "the doc doesn't wanted to prescribe anything else but would like to refer you to a pediatric gastroenterologist." Ok fine, they transferred me to the appointment desk and they can't get Andrew in until the beginning of the year!!!!! WHAT?! They can't put us on a waiting list either because of the large number of patients waiting. So their advice was to call in everyday to see if there are any cancellations. So what am I supposed to do in the mean time as my child's throat is becoming more and more raw everyday?! I'm so frustrated! I did get a weight check scheduled for Wednesday so we'll see how that goes.
On another note, I got an email this morning that made me chuckle. It was from whattoexpect.com titled "Getting a Handle on Worrying". It said, "Feeling consumed with thoughts that your baby isn't sleeping enough, or sleeping too much, or not getting enough to eat, crying too much or not doing what your best friend's sister's baby did at the same age? Is there anything you're not worried about these days?" I wish these were my only worries. I have a lot of worry. Everytime I schedule an appointment, I worry. I have small anxiety attacks when appointments get close. (it was so scary the first few times my chest got tight and I couldn't breathe!) Every cough, every choke, everytime I put him in his bed at night worries me. Andrew is doing so good but there are too many what ifs. I've read about too many innocent children that were fine one day and on life support the next. I worry everyday about everything. I worry even more about my relationship with Eric. I worry about finances. I worry about my relationship with my husband.
Why can't life just be easy?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Winner, Winner!
I found out today that the we won the Friday Coffee Break contest from our local radio station. I think I entered a month ago figuring we'd never win. I had a nice voicemail today from a co-worker saying the station had called. Soooo free coffee and goodies for us tomorrow!
Although I'll say I am a tad bit nervous about it. The goodies are bakery items which sadly will not be low cal. High cal, delicious pastries are not included in my diet plan. Guess I'll have to skimp somehwere else to make up for it! I can be strong! I haven't gone over my calories yet and it has been 1.5 weeks. AND Monday was my weigh in day and after 1 week, I lost 4.8 pounds. Woohoo!
Although I'll say I am a tad bit nervous about it. The goodies are bakery items which sadly will not be low cal. High cal, delicious pastries are not included in my diet plan. Guess I'll have to skimp somehwere else to make up for it! I can be strong! I haven't gone over my calories yet and it has been 1.5 weeks. AND Monday was my weigh in day and after 1 week, I lost 4.8 pounds. Woohoo!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I Don't Get It
I was trying to do a post last night about our short hike at the state park last weekend. I couldn't get the pictures loaded, gave up, and went to bed with my plan being to work on it tonight. I'm got other things on my mind.
One of my co-workers at work today had bad news today about his son. His son, we'll call him "B", is 4 and was diagnosed with Williams Syndrome at around the age of 1. He was also born with a VSD that closed on it's own. Williams Syndrome is not easy (what chromosonal abnormality is?!) and comes with it's own set of problems. "B" had actually been doing really good. He was impressing his doctors and therapists. Recently "B" started complaining of headaches in the back of his head. His pediatrician is thinking he might have a malformation of his skull which could be pressing on his brain. This is sometimes seen in Williams kids. It could be severe enough to have surgery (risky) or minor enough to only require mediciation. They are waiting to get in for a MRI as soon as possible to take a look. I hope they get in soon as I know the waiting game is no fun.
As he was telling me this, I couldn't stop the tears. I don't get it. I don't understand why children have to go through these things. This little boy has been through so much already and has such a long hard life ahead of him. Why does he have to have one more stick thrown on the pile? No child should have to suffer. It just makes me so angry. Children are so innocent!
So I don't get it, I just don't get it.
One of my co-workers at work today had bad news today about his son. His son, we'll call him "B", is 4 and was diagnosed with Williams Syndrome at around the age of 1. He was also born with a VSD that closed on it's own. Williams Syndrome is not easy (what chromosonal abnormality is?!) and comes with it's own set of problems. "B" had actually been doing really good. He was impressing his doctors and therapists. Recently "B" started complaining of headaches in the back of his head. His pediatrician is thinking he might have a malformation of his skull which could be pressing on his brain. This is sometimes seen in Williams kids. It could be severe enough to have surgery (risky) or minor enough to only require mediciation. They are waiting to get in for a MRI as soon as possible to take a look. I hope they get in soon as I know the waiting game is no fun.
As he was telling me this, I couldn't stop the tears. I don't get it. I don't understand why children have to go through these things. This little boy has been through so much already and has such a long hard life ahead of him. Why does he have to have one more stick thrown on the pile? No child should have to suffer. It just makes me so angry. Children are so innocent!
So I don't get it, I just don't get it.
Monday, October 4, 2010
And The Diet Begins
After getting on the scale this morning (and nearly falling on the floor after reading what it said!) I decided to start my diet today. Yuck. What kind of a person starts a diet 4 weeks before Halloween? Just think of all the chocolate I won't be able to consume. And then there's Thanksgiving and what about Christmas and all those goodies? I have to do this though. Ever since I stopped pumping and haven't been burning an insane amount of calories I have felt like crap. Our whole family could benefit from eating better. I feel guilty abusing my perfectly good heart.
When we decided to try to have another baby it took a while to conceive. After 12 months of trying, I put myself on a diet and 4 months and 27 pounds later I was pregnant! (But little did I know that obesity can be a cause of heart defects - oh had I only known - but thats a whole 'nother post in itself.) My diet was successful and it worked for me. I was feeling good about my body and was dropping clothing sizes. It was awesome! I was counting calories / doing weight watchers and working out 3 times a week.
My plan again is to count calories / weight watchers. I won't be able to work out like before so it will be more challenging. My goal is to lose 50 pounds to be in my healthy BMI. I'm really hoping I can do this. I want to be HOT!
When we decided to try to have another baby it took a while to conceive. After 12 months of trying, I put myself on a diet and 4 months and 27 pounds later I was pregnant! (But little did I know that obesity can be a cause of heart defects - oh had I only known - but thats a whole 'nother post in itself.) My diet was successful and it worked for me. I was feeling good about my body and was dropping clothing sizes. It was awesome! I was counting calories / doing weight watchers and working out 3 times a week.
My plan again is to count calories / weight watchers. I won't be able to work out like before so it will be more challenging. My goal is to lose 50 pounds to be in my healthy BMI. I'm really hoping I can do this. I want to be HOT!
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