Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning I have my anatomy ultrasound.  I am terrified.  I've been having lots of heart palpitations today which I usually have when I'm full of anxiety and I felt physically sick for most of the day.  Thankfully the ultrasound is at 9am so I won't have to wait all day for it.  Extra views have been ordered of the heart so they will get all the pictures they need.  I'm sure if there is any concern they will get us into cardiology right away.  After the ultrasound we will meet with my high risk doctor, Dr. Rose.  He is seriously the greatest doctor ever.  He was there the day we found out about Andrew's defects and he was/is so caring.  I am happy to be in his care in case something is wrong.

I had a quick ultrasound with my family med doctor on Wednesday.  Her comment during the ultrasound was, "well I'm not a sonographer but I see 4 chambers of the heart".  Well great!  Does she realize that there are plenty of defects that don't have much to do with the chambers?!  My response was "well we had 4 chambers before and that didn't mean anything".  And she also almost seemed surprised that I was nervous for the Level II ultrasound.  Come on lady, where's the compassion?

Not many people get it.  I keep getting "do you know what you're having yet?" or "I bet you're hoping for a girl!"  Honestly, I would really like a little girl BUT I really wouldn't mind having another boy.  What I really really want is a perfectly healthy, happy, beautiful baby.  When I express my fear people either change the subject or say "oh it will be just fine" without much feeling.  Thanks, glad you care.  I've come to the conclusion that no one will understand unless they have been there.  It's still hard to not be hurt sometimes by their words.

All I have left to say is there better be a healthy baby in there. 

Oh yeah AND I'm hoping to be sharing a very positive, happy post tomorrow!!